Wednesday, December 02, 2009 @8:30 PM
standard chartered marathon
eeeps.. 4 days more and i'll have to run around the city with some 60,000 people ._. and i'm feeling nervous just because i signed myself up to run 10km... its rather pathetic compared to the crazy others running the full 42.5km. but! i've never ran so long before!
i think i even cheated in the last big walk i ever participated. which was like, 10km too, years ago when i was much younger.
oh and wow. it's already december! x_x
Saturday, November 28, 2009 @11:38 AM
christmas comes early this year
woohoo!
it would have been a really good surprise, but i'm still so glad and happy to be getting a new camera! all the squeezing n walking around in sitex was definitely worth it~
i really need to tidy my room.. any ideas where i can donate my old stuffs?
Friday, November 13, 2009 @12:08 AM
friday the 13th!
this is a momentous moment!
b'coz i'm... going to........................
PHUKET!!!hurray~!!! finally, my long awaited holiday!!
well, even tho its like, more than 4 months away..... lolz. and i've bought my christmas cum anniversary gift for jason. haiz, some way or another he'll always know what he'll get before he sees it. haha! or maybe i'm just plain lousy... oh wells.. to let him see or not to let him see.. that is really one big question.
christmas is still like, more than a month away.. -_-" i think i'm really quite out of my mind.
Monday, November 09, 2009 @9:20 PM
monday blues
actually its some 'afterflow' effect from sunday. i have this strange need to be and feel alone because i couldn't be comforted.
perhaps it all started from the movie 'the last house on the left'. it wasn't horror although there was blood and gore. i had wanted to watch the movie because i was intrigued by the storyline - how 2 girls got hurt by a gang of sadist, and how her parents made their 'revenge'. actually, from reading the sypnosis, its not difficult to predict how the story will enfold. what i really wanted to see was the reactions and actons of the girl's parents.
and i would say i liked the movie. touched even. because when the girl's parents cried, i could feel their pain as a parent who felt the pain of seeing their child hurt.
something i feel that my very own parents lack. which saddens me so much, i can't even describe the disappoitment. a child never questions the unconditional love of a parent. and i don't, because it is just pointless to do so.
then i watched 'blood - the last vampire' and i can't help but question my own existance. after all the rejection, disappointment, depression and anger... i feel so empty. thats the thing about japanese anime and movies that are dark/intriguing. the ending is always obscure and abrupt. there is all these mixed emotions and action and final confrontation and then... nothing.
maybe the japanese should look more into inputing more moralities into their show. perhaps that's why the suicide rate in japan is so high. so many people out there are lost and don't feel that they have a meaning in life. and death, is such a relief.
i really should try to stop having such morbid thoughts. it gets me doubting my ability to sustain a relationship and i wonder if i'll drive jason crazy someday. everytime i see his friends i realise how i have many friends, but i'm not as close to any... perhaps i only have myself to blame.
sigh, come what may.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009 @12:13 AM
chilli crab cup noodles!
mom has been really nice to me lately. like, really really nice. and i can't figure out what's up her sleeves. there is always a motive.
always.
i just don't know what it is yet...
have the urge to get a new look. i dunno y.. but i just wanna do something! its actually alil premature.. had intended to get a new look slightly before christmas (then can last till new yr too? haha..) so broke...
payday come quick!!!
Friday, October 30, 2009 @2:16 AM
its friday! but i work on sats too..
sometimes i feel somewhat psychologically challenged. i don't belive i'm demented or a sadist by nature but i can't stop wallowing in self pity over my own family condition. why are they like that? i can only pray for some kind of miracle... like to win a sweapstake or strike toto.
i pray that i don't have to give so much $$ to my mom soon. (6 freakin yrs! how i wish time can flash by in the blink of an eye)
i pray i don't have to give my dad all my cpf.
i pray i don't have buy a car/flat for my mom under my name. (strange how they can want me to do this when they will soon strip me of all my cpf?!?)
i pray i don't have to live with my parents after i get married... if i get married. (i really might consider/start investing on toto..)
sigh, i just wish i had it easier somehow. this is just the effects of no company, not gaming or not sleeping. yes, i need to constantly be distracted or be focusing on something else.
sudden enlightenment! now i know why i'm always so busy..
i must try to blog more often. :)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 @11:52 PM
a time to reflect
oops, neglected this place for 2 months already.. strange yet amazing how some things don't change, yet everything else is.
how i miss the times back in aussie, life seemed somehow much easier and carefree. it was so amazing just deciding to go travelling on a whim. now, there is so much to take into consideration before you do something.
to plan or not to plan... that is the question.
somehow, planning makes your boring. i want to save up and be able to have a fund for my future... you know, marriage, house, kids... that kinda stuff. yet, it sucks to know the harder i try, the harder it is to enjoy living life as it is now. i want to travel. i don't even mind going around singapore. i just want to explore places. try some cool new or themed food outlet or just chill and hang around. and then i think of the potential cost of these expeditions.
sianz.
hot singapore weather. inconvenient public transport to such locations. lack of time or too shag after work.
more sianz.
many times i just don't know what lies ahead of me. so screw planning.. somehow i've forgotten to always trust in god and leave things in his care. my spiritual life has detioriated almost entirely...
sigh, reflection today ain't fruitful. perhaps more sleep might help..
ta!